taz and pigs holiday

Well it won't be long till they decend on poor Mr Mrs Sid and the earthangels poor poor people!!!

Anyway( pigsters fave word) a little bird told me that there is a lovely surprise waiting for t&p

welllllll me being me i thought it only fair to let you all have a peek at what is in store for our delightful 
boys!!!

I can just visualise  the boys wearing these lovely clothes ready for their dancing lessons (eat your heart out mr Flately)

i think the blue will look divine on wee pigster it matches his eyes
and the red will match tazz'y dark sultry looks

Have fun with your dancing lessons boys !!!  mwahhhhhhh

old pics

good morning 
a beautiful saturday morning  shame some of us have to work !!!
i found some pics of me on the pc the other day they were taken a couple of years ago in Tenerife 

Frobisher some of these are for you haa haa not full pics in my bikini but best i can do!!!!

oh and don't laugh at the very short hair!!! 

Ann summers

Well i went to an Ann summers party last night had a great laugh lots of toys for the girls!! and no i did not buy one for those who may not have heard of Ann summers they sell lingerie and sex toys very expensive tooo
http://www.annsummers.com/ here is the link for the girls to have a look at 

this is the little number i bought !!! 

No freaky friday today im in a rush this morning !!

Have a brill weekend

take care stay safe and happy

Helen xxx

its hot

Yes it is very hot yippeeeee spent the afternoon sunbathing yesterday as it was my day off 
Back to work today groan, stuck in a hothouse with no air con grrrrr it is about time they got it installed
we fry in the summer and freeze in the winter .......oh joy !!!
 
Well just less than 2 weeks and my daughter will get her plaster cact off her leg and she is getting impatient for that day , it is driving her nuts with it being so hot and she is fed up with not being able to wear a shoe on that foot awwwww my poor baby

Right better get me ass in gear and get ready for work

have a good day !!!!

Don't try this at home kids

Instructions for cleaning the toilet:



1. Lift the lid on the toilet and fill it with 1/8 cup of animal shampoo.



2. Take the cat in your arms and stroke it gently while slowly moving in the direction of the toilet.



3. At a suitable moment, throw the cat into the toilet bowl and close the lid quickly and either stand or sit on the lid.



4. The cat will now start the cleaning process and will generate plenty of foam. Do not be concerned about the loud noises coming from the toilet; your cat is enjoying himself.



5. After several minutes flush the toilet to start the “Power-wash” pre-wash and then flush again for the main wash cycle.



6. Ask someone to open the front door and ensure that no-one is between the toilet and the front door.



7. Get off the toilet seat and from a safe distance open the toilet lid quickly. The cat will dry off naturally due to the high speed he will be moving from the toilet to the front door.



8. The toilet and the cat are now both clean.



With best wishes,



The Dog



















 

stay cool

Well the temperature today is going to be 32 degrees ......... a real heatwave for us i cannot remember when it was so hot here in yorkshire
Don't forget to drink plenty of water ,so as not to dehydrate ,i must have had a gallon yesterday it was my day off so i thought i would top up my tan , it was really very hot and i only managed to stay out side for about an hour at a time .........wish i had a swimming pool in the garden !!!
 Oh and after drinking water if you get hiccups here is the reason why and some tips to get rid of them !!!

About the Hiccups


Why do we hic-hic-hiccup? What causes 'em? Here's some general information about hiccups that you might not know.

Hiccups - The Hiccup Down Low
When you hiccup, your diaphragm and nearby muscles convulse, causing you to briefly gulp air. Within 35 milliseconds, the glottis (the opening at the top of the air passage) slams shut, producing that familiar sound of the "hic." Some of us talented people can cure the hiccups right away, but if you hiccup more than seven times you'd better settle in for a bumpy ride. Once started, you'll usually hiccup 63 times or more. Maybe a lot more. Poor Charles Osborne had the hiccups for 69 years!

Hiccups - What Causes the Hiccups?
Hiccups are usually a reaction to your stomach and digestive system getting wonky. This happens when you eat too much, drink bubbly drinks like soda, or swallow too much air. Some people get the hiccups for no reason at all. Other things that cause hiccups include skull fracture, epilepsy, tuberculosis and believe it or not, constipation (not being able to poop).

Hiccups - Common Cures for the Hiccups
Unlike sneezing, farting, burping, etc., hiccups don't serve any purpose. They're just annoying and pointless! So how do you get rid of hiccups? Which remedy works best? Home remedies are usually based on the idea that you have to disrupt the hiccup cycle. Remedies include holding your breath, breathing into a bag, pulling your tongue, sudden fright, or - get this - eating sugar. Just drinking water, if done soon enough, might wash down a chunk of food in the throat that's pressing against a nerve.

If these fail, a doctor could prescribe the drug chlorpromazine, tickle the pharynx with a hollow flexible tube through the nose, or use hypnosis or acupuncture. Not doing the trick? You could use extreme measures. In 1833, it was recommended that you blister or burn the skin above the phrenic nerve on the neck and back. Ouch!

PIGGY'S SCRAWNY PINS

I have had a request from MJ asking to see a pic of the delightful Pigster's legs ........well a girl cannot deny the request , so just for you MJ here is the pic.........be careful it's not a pretty sight
Hmmmm shaven legs or are they waxed ?

need some sleep

 Why oh why can't i sleep it is 5.08 am sunday morning and i am wide awake and have been since 4.15 !!! i cannot remember the last time i slept all night ........and no piggy and tazzy i am in bed alone so no one is keeping me awake!!!
The birds are singing merrily it is hazy and cloudy and i want to SLEEP
Other than hitting myself on the head and knocking me out has anyone any ideas that might make me sleeep??.........HELP!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

freaky friday

Good morning
Here we are again freaky friday
The weeks and months are flying by just over 5 months till christmas !!! eeekkkk
Well summer has returned to us and the weekend weather is good ,i have 3 days off work yipeeee i will try to get in the garden to top up my tan
have a lovely weekend
take care stay safe
Helen xxx
 

position of the week

was browsing my magazine and thought i will have a look at the mags website its quite enlightening anyway (piggy's fave word) they have a sex section .....well you have to just sneak a look!!! right so they have positions of the week so, haa haa im passing them on, who's gonna be 1st to try them out???


The stretch - the build up

Get your bloke to lie naked on his back, then tie his wrists and ankles to the bed with scarves (not too tightly!). Slather yourself with massage oil and slowly side yourself up and down his body, nibbling, licking and kissing your way around his erogenous zones. Next, have him enter you, then lie flat on top of him so you have full body contact with your feet either side of his tied ankles. In this position, start rocking your hips, building up a rhythm. For extra clitoral stimulation, move your body so his pubic bone rubs against your clitoris to help you orgasm.


oh soz piggy and tazzy this may not be for you .............sits in chair rocking with laughter !!!!

jokes

Sunday afternoon awaiting the World Cup Final, bored, weather crap, soooo found some jokes a mate emailed me so thought i would post them

You'll enjoy this.
I have never quite worked out why the sexual urge of men and women differ so much. And I never have worked out the whole Venus and Mars thing. I have never figured out why men think with their head /dick and women with their heart.
FOR EXAMPLE: One night last week, my girlfriend and I were getting into bed. Well, the passion starts to heat up but she eventually says "I don't feel like it, I just want you to hold me."
I said "WHAT??!! What was that?!"
So she says the words that every boyfriend on the planet dreads to hear...
"You're just not in touch with my emotional needs as a woman enough for me to satisfy your physical needs as a man." She responded to my puzzled look by saying, "Can't you just love me for who I am and not what I do for you in the bedroom?"
Realizing that nothing was going to happen that night, I went to sleep.
The very next day I opted to take the day off of work to spend time with her. We went out to a nice lunch and then went shopping in Selfridges .I walked around with her while she tried on several different very expensive outfits. She couldn't decide which one to take so I told her we'd just buy them all. She wanted new shoes to compliment her new clothes, so I said lets get a pair for each outfit.We went onto the jewellery department where she picked out a pair of diamond earrings. Let me tell you...she was so excited. She must have thought I was one sandwich short of a picnic. I think I threw her for a loop when I said, "That's fine, baby ." She was almost nearing sexual satisfaction from all of the excitement. Smiling with excited anticipation she finally said, "I think this is all dear, let's go to the cashier."
I could hardly contain myself when I blurted out, "No baby, you know what, I don't feel like it."
Her face just went completely blank as her jaw dropped with a baffled "WHAT?"
I then said "baby listen! I just want you to HOLD this stuff for a while. You're just not in touch with my financial needs as a man enough for me to satisfy your shopping needs as a woman."
And just when she had this look like she was going to kill me, I added, "Why can't you just love me for who I am and not for the things I buy you?"
Apparently I'm not having sex tonight either....but at least that bitch knows I'm cleverer than her.


A teacher noticed that a little boy at the back of the class was squirming around, scratching his crotch, and not paying attention. She went back to find out what was going on. He was quite embarrassed and whispered that he had just recently been circumcised and he was quite itchy. The teacher told him to go down to the principal's office. He was to telephone his mother and ask her what he should do about it. He did that and returned to his class. Suddenly, there was a commotion at the back of the room. She went back to investigate only to find him sitting at his desk with his penis hanging out."I thought I told you to call your Mom!" she said. "I did," he said, "and she told me that if I could stick it out till noon, she'd come and pick me up from school." KIDS - DON'T YOU JUST LOVE 'EM???!!!

You are driving in a car at a constant speed. On your left side is a valley and on your right side is a fire engine traveling at the same speed as you
In front of you is a galloping pig which is the same size as your car and you cannot overtake it. Behind you is a helicopter flying at ground level.
Both the giant pig and the helicopter are also traveling at the same speed as you.
What must you do to safely get out of this highly dangerous situation?


Answer:>>> >Get off the children's Merry Go Round, you're pissed


A modern day cowboy has spent many days crossing the Texas plains without water.His horse has already died of thirst.He's crawling through the sand, certain that he has breathed his last breath - when all of a sudden he sees an object sticking out of the sand several yards ahead of him.He crawls to the object, pulls it out of the sand, and discovers what looks to be an old brief case.He opens it and out pops a genie.
But this is no ordinary genie.She is wearing an IRS ID badge and a dull gray dress.There's a calculator in her pocketbook.
She has a pencil tucked behind one ear."Well, cowboy," says the genie... "You know how I work. You have three wishes.""I'm not falling for this", said the cowboy.
"I'm not going to trust an IRS genie."She smiled and said, "What do you have to lose? You've got no transportation, and it looks like you're a goner anyway!
"The cowboy thinks about this for a minute, and decides that the genie is right.He said, "OK, I wish I were in a lush oasis with plenty of food and drink.
"***POOF***The cowboy finds himself in the most beautiful oasis he has ever seen. And he is surrounded with jugs of wine and platters of delicacies.The genie said, "OK, cowpoke, what's your second wish.""My second wish is that I was rich beyond my wildest dreams.
"***POOF***The cowboy finds himself surrounded by treasure chests filled with rare gold coins and precious gems.The genie said, "OK, cowpuncher, you have just one more wish. Better make it a good one!"After thinking for a few minutes, the cowboy says... "I wish that no matter where I go, beautiful women will want and need me.
"***POOF***He turned into a tampon.The moral of the story: If the government offers you anything, there's going to be a string attached

and the award goes to

yipeeeeeee yes we did it .......we won an award

we were voted The Most Wonderful Team

A good night was had by all we got tipsy danced (well piggy doesnt dance) and ate the free food did a bit of gambling at the casino the proceeds went to charity (not me) lol

Tazzy was nominated for an award but was pipped at the post, awwwwwwwww we all know he deserved it but never mind he may be luckier next year

lots of pics of the night on tazzy and piggy's blog

had an amazing thunder storm last night the lightening was amazing, still humid this morning though

oh well back to work today, coco is now back from her hols so have lots to natter about at work

right time to get ready for the day .........why can't i win the lottery and become a lady of leisure??